Parents and TRUE sex education

It sure is nice to know that one isn't a voice in the wilderness!

At least one other voice is Stephanie Olivares, whose excellent letter to the editor in the Inquirer on July 4, 2006, echoed my sentiments exactly. Every parent needs to read this and begin to impart what the media will not: sexuality is not about gratifying every impulse, but rather an attitude of complete love between two parties fully committed to each other. Without further ado:

Yes to sex education, but condom is not enough

Published on page A12 of the July 4, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

I AGREE with Michael L. Tan’s comment in his column “Yari” (Inquirer, 6/21/06): “[W]e do little to talk about sex, about learning to be more discerning with relationships.” Tan also stressed that there is a need to do some serious sex education to prevent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, especially among the youth.

However, real sex education is not the same as safe-sex education. Sex education cannot be reduced to contraception education. A real and effective means to educate the youth about sex and human sexuality entails not merely an education about techniques, but an education of values and self-mastery. Here, the parents’ role is crucial.

Unfortunately, many parents find the idea of talking to their children about sex distasteful. They would rather let the school take care of this sticky subject. Perhaps, they themselves never benefited from a sincere discussion of sex from their own parents and so, feel some understandable uneasiness about discussing such an intimate part of their married life with their children.

But to neglect to talk about sex with our children is a great disservice to them. We live in such a sexually charged environment and our children are bombarded with sex or sexual innuendoes on a daily basis, whether we like it or not. Now, more than ever, our young people need the advice and insights of their parents to equip them with the criteria to make sound judgments about sex.

A common misconception among the youth is that when you love someone, the best way to show that love is by sleeping with that person. This may be the romantic message of most feel-good teen-age movies, but the reality is far from this idea. The sad truth is that no one wants to be used or abused, so, when a person is discarded after his/her sexual charm wears off, the thrill of sex often gives way to the agony of emptiness.

In the end, sex needs to be understood in the context of a sincere and complete gift of oneself. Sex is an experience more of giving than of receiving, so the more sincere and complete the gift, the more fulfilling is the sexual act. In reality, such a gift is difficult to give in a relationship that is non-exclusive and non-permanent.

Yes! It’s high time we talk about sex with our kids, but let’s talk about it the right way, because there’s more to sex than just a condom.

STEPHANIE C. OLIVARES, Ayala Alabang Village, Muntinlupa City

Mabuhay ka, Stephanie Olivares! You are my idol. One of these days, I will find you, shake your hand, and treat you to a cup of hot coffee. In the meantime, we shall await the inevitable rejoinder from Rina J-D. (I can hear the knife being sharpened already.)